5 Ways to Stop Being Socially Awkward, According to a Psychologist - VICE

As an introvert with social anxiety, one of my biggest weaknesses is my social awkwardness. While we all might feel awkward from time to time, it can become incredibly debilitating if we don’t manage it properly.

“Most people likely feel socially awkward at one point or another, and it is not inherently a sign that anything is wrong,” says Hannah Jones, a licensed clinical psychologist with Prosper Health. “However, when it prevents a person from being able to engage in activities or interact in ways they want or need to, it may require attention and support.”

Does this sound like your experience? Here are five tips for overcoming social awkwardness. 

Sometimes, our awkwardness can reveal a deeper mechanism that needs tending to. Think of it as an intuitive tool that highlights incompatibilities, discomfort, or other underlying context in a given social situation. 

“Feeling awkward can give you information about what you need most in a social situation,” says Jones. “For example, if a person feels out of place and realizes that it is because they don’t know what the social rules or expectations are there, they can support themselves by observing others, doing research online, and asking others who are more familiar with the setting or community about what the norms are.

If their awkwardness is telling them that they and another person don’t ‘vibe,’ they can respond by setting boundaries or engaging in self-care before and after necessary interactions.”

Often, awkwardness can stem from lack of socialization. A great treatment for fear-based awkwardness and social anxiety is exposure to social interactions/situations.

“Try interacting with someone in a low-stakes setting—for example, complimenting a stranger on their shoes, or saying hello to the person sharing the elevator with you,” Jones says. “Small, brief interactions that do not have significant impacts [on] your life can provide a chance to test out ways of engaging with others without [a] high risk of consequences.”

Trust me, from one awkward person to another: there are many of us out there. And sometimes, I find awkwardness to be endearing.

“You matter, and your presence can be a gift to others,” says Jones. “However, most people are trying to navigate their own day-to-day lives and are usually not scrutinizing you as closely as you may think. Remembering this can help reduce anxiety that can lead to awkwardness or even social avoidance.”

One of the best ways to address your awkwardness is to accept it—and yourself—fully. This means showing yourself grace rather than being hypercritical after every social encounter.

“If you trip over your words, say, ‘I got tongue-twisted—let me start over.’ If you accidentally call someone by the wrong name, tell them, ‘I think I called you Janice, but your name is Janine, right? I apologize,’” says Jones. “Then try to laugh about it with someone you trust, who can help you to keep things in perspective. Everyone commits social faux pas at one point or another, and they are usually not the end of the world.”

While social awkwardness is common and usually doesn’t require special treatment, sometimes therapy can help—especially if it stems from anxiety, insecurity, or trauma.

“If you are feeling so impacted by social awkwardness that you’re having a hard time at work, in relationships, or with self-esteem, it’s ok to seek help,” says Jones. “Consider working with a therapist who can help you understand your natural way of communicating and come up with specific strategies for navigating social situations in a way that feels healthy and authentic for you.”