Athletes soiling themselves still more palatable than Sydney Sweeney ad

You have reached your maximum number of saved items.

Remove items from your saved list to add more.

Gloves on? Masks fixed? Protective gear? Bomb-proof boots? Great – we’re going into the minefield.

For there has been a weird juxtaposition this week between the commercial portrayal of women’s sport and the sometimes gritty reality.

On the one hand, you’ve got the new Sydney Sweeney ad that shows the American actress dressed up in a variety of sports gear and adopting highly sexualised poses – including sitting legs akimbo atop a basketball hoop – that are only a few postcodes over from soft porn.

Sydney Sweeney (left) poses for her controversial Novig ad, which Olympian Ariarne Titmus has criticised.Our own Ariarne Titmus effectively tore her a new one for her trouble.

“How do we live in a world where monetising a woman’s body and sexualising women’s sport is still a thing?” she asked on social media. “To take the mickey like this, I thought we were genuinely moving past this bullshit. What is this teaching young men and women of today? Sydney Sweeney, do better.”

And Titmus was not alone. Across the world there was an outcry at this antediluvian portrayal of women’s sport as just an endless series of searingly sexualised scenes, instead of what it is – great sport, full stop!

The Sweeney ad was aimed at luring idiot men, to blow their dough on some gambling app.

While that was blowing up, images went viral of elite Australian endurance athlete Joanna Wietrzyk continuing to compete in a HYROX event in China – eight one-kilometre runs separated by heavyweight gym workouts – despite appearing to have faecal matter dribbling down the back of her legs.

Wietrzyk has profusely apologised and even foreited her win, but I’m frankly not sure what for – bar, perhaps, having deeply offended Chinese sensibilities. It doesn’t offend mine.

Code brown: Australian HYROX athlete Joanna Wietrzyk continues to compete after a bathroom accident.Getty ImagesIn the extremities of effort in which she found herself, she had an unintended and unfortunate bodily reaction that may well have been olfactory repugnant, but wasn’t remotely morally repugnant. In those extremities of exhaustion, momentarily losing bowel control is no more surprising than fainting. So what is the big deal?

Possible infection of other athletes? Please.

The organisers could see exactly what TV viewers could see, and made no move to pull her out on occupational health and safety grounds.

And what of her decision to continue to victory, regardless? Again, in those extremities, did she even know what was happening behind? I’d say, unlikely. If in the fog of exhaustion she did know and continued anyway, so what?

The great Australian cyclist Sir Hubert Opperman once told me of his actions in a French endurance race in 1928, the Bol D’Or, which measured how far you could ride in 24 hours around a velodrome. To make up for lost time, after his bike had been nobbled, he came up with a solution, after taking a little time to adjust his clothing.

Even greats like Hubert Opperman have had to deal with toilet issues while competing.Fairfax Media“It still took a little while,” the man who would become a famous Liberal cabinet minister told me in 1994, “but I eventually overcame my diffidence and emitted a stream like a stallion. I could hear all the riders behind me who were riding through it cursing me, but that was too bad ...” Of course, he went on to a great victory, even if the French were a little ... pissed off.

To be sure, what happened to Wietrzyk is extremely rare in women’s sport, but the effort, grit and commitment that caused it is not. We celebrate all of that, and rightly so. And the whole package is still a whole lot more attractive – faecal matter and all – than the Sweeney crap.

And speaking of what happens when the shit hits the fan in sport, lets talk about Josh Addo-Carr, the Parramatta and Kangaroos winger who this week allegedly tested positive to cocaine for the second time in two years at a random roadside test.

Last time, he was dumped by the Bulldogs, only to find refuge with the Eels, where he has played well.

Josh Addo-Carr is in rehab, his management company said.Getty ImagesThe club and the NRL are unlikely to make any firm decisions until the confirmation test results come back, but given that his management has announced that he has checked himself into rehab, it appears that the footballer holds no hopes of a miracle negative result, and is not denying it like last time.

In the meantime, the broad mood of NRL management appears to be: “Nice bloke, but too bad – tear up his contract.”

Your honour, I’d like to plea bargain, or at least make a plea.

I get it. He gets it. He’s a dickhead, no argument. Taking cocaine is illegal and impairs driving ability. No argument from him, or me, on the issue that he did the wrong thing. Though I could give you a strong argument in another forum about the insanity of our drug laws, which have never worked, aren’t working, and never will work. Addo-Carr might well have an addiction, and need help in the field.

But geez, Louise ... I mean ... your honour. Terminate his entire career because of an out-of-season positive test? Surely, that is on the harsh side of things?

The game is littered with players who have committed actual atrocities while drinking alcohol, but were still allowed to ply their trade. My client committed no atrocities whatsoever, and simply tested positive. There is obviously no suggestion it was used as a performance enhancer in the game either – so we can take cheating off the table. The damage done was in the headlines alone.

Your honour, I wish he wouldn’t take cocaine, if indeed that is confirmed. You no doubt wish the same. But he ain’t Pat Malone on this. The latest available figures have it that one in 16 workers across Oz snort cocaine. Hundreds of thousands in Sydney alone.

In certain high-paying sectors of the economy – most notably in parts of the financial world – it is notoriously endemic. This among people making million-dollar decisions on a daily basis. In their world they’re rarely considered drug addicts. They’re more likely regarded as sniffy funsters.

Josh Addo-Carr allegedly returned a positive roadside test.Getty ImagesBut in the NRL world, which still has alcohol sponsorships, and is simply rotten with gambling sponsorship – at a time when the documented damage done by alcohol consumption is beyond dispute, and the damage done by gambling has never been greater – can the game really just tear up his contract and leave him by the said roadside?

And yes, yes, yes, your honour, I get that gambling and alcohol are on the legal side of things, while cocaine use isn’t. But that still just makes it a matter to do with the police, not the game itself. I detect no widespread revulsion among his fellow players or the public at large at what Addo-Carr has allegedly done.

In sum, if the second test comes back positive, the most obvious thing would be a suspension, followed by regular voluntary drug testing when he’s back. Have him do a course on the dangers of mixing cocaine and driving. But as one who has been a long-time servant of the game and who is, most importantly, the breadwinner for a partner and three children, tearing up his contract for world-class stupidity alone seems harsh.

Swimming great Ariarne Titmus on the Sydney Sweeney ad sexualising women’s sports: “I can’t describe how infuriated I feel when I watch this. Not only is it a kick in the face to every woman who has dedicated her life to perfecting her craft, but every woman who enjoys sports for what it really is – teamwork, friendship, dedication, excellence, unity … the list goes on.” See opening rant.

Meanwhile, TFF’s daughter, Billi, in a newsletter thingammy: “In case you missed it, an Australian athlete suffered from a rather badly timed incontinence issue during a HYROX race in Beijing over the weekend. Yes … she pooed herself. But she did win the race. Safe to say, she left everything out on the course!” I wish I’d said that, Oscarina. But, like I said, see opening rant.

Todd Carney on the infamous bubbler incident of 2014: “It did cause World War III, and I’m not proud of it ... It took a long time to swallow it.” No doubt.

England manager Thomas Tuchel on their World Cup win over Mexico at the Azteca Stadium in the round of 16 at the World Cup: “I texted a friend after the match and I just wrote, ‘I regret that I didn’t eat some grass after the match to keep something from this in my body forever’. That was the feeling. That was the moment.”

Thomas Tuchel on a special night for English football.Getty ImagesGreg Chappell on Imran Khan’s poor health as he remains incarcerated on trumped-up charges: “My biggest fear is that he will die in jail.”

Josh Addo Carr’s management team, after he again – what are the chances? – allegedly tested positive for cocaine at a random roadside test: “Josh is not perfect, and he has made mistakes. But those mistakes should not erase the years he has spent giving his time to children and communities, proudly representing his culture, and bringing excitement and new supporters to rugby league.” See rant.

Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix after their opening game. “As a whole offence, a whole team, we just didn’t play really good.” He could work on his grammar, too.

US conservative commentator – read professional dickhead – Clay Travis after observing the welcome to country ceremony at the MCG before the NFL match: “Australia’s first ever NFL game began with a land acknowledgment. This is insane. Australia also has a national sorry day where the country apologises to the Indigenous every year. If you think the US can’t get crazier, it can.” As I said, naff off.

Aryna Sabalenka on losing the US Open final: “That’s the last thing I want to do now is giving a speech.”

Sabalenka and her smashed racquet after she lost the 2026 US Open final.APWinner Elena Rybakina: “It’s tough to find words right now. I didn’t expect anything like this coming to this tournament. I’ve been dealing with an injury, but somehow everything aligned together on my side.”

Adelaide Crow Taylor Walker on his AFL career being over in the blink of an eye: “I was sitting at Broken Hill Airport with my Nan, and 19 years later, it’s all over.”

Sharks captain Cameron McInnes on whether he’d like to see more fans at the Sharks’ finals games after only 17,000 watched them beat the Cowboys at Allianz Stadium: “If you can afford it, come. If you can’t, watch it on TV. I couldn’t care less really.”

Queensland Premier David Crisafulli on Rockhampton’s Fitzroy River getting the green light for Olympic rowing:“The Fitzroy has passed with flying colours. It’s official. Signed, sealed and delivered.”

Soccer manager Robert Moreno on claims he uses ChatGPT for tactical input: “We use technology for analysis, but relying on ChatGPT is a complete lie. We rely on video and data, not ChatGPT. If anyone spends just 10 minutes, they’ll see the story was distorted and meant to attack me.”

Roosters and Sharks. Play in their semi-final on Saturday night, and Roosters winger Mark Nawaqanitawase will again be otherworldly with his skills and athleticism. His will be a particularly welcome return to rugby.

Socceroos. Take on Brazil next Friday in Townsville.

Brisbane and Hawthorn. The two most successful AFL sides of the 21st century meet in a finals match for the first time on Saturday.

Sydney Kings. Begin their title defence on Sunday.

Alexander Zverev. Became the fourth man in the Open era to win his first two major titles in the same year, joining Jimmy Connors (1974), Guillermo Vilas (1977) and Jannik Sinner (2024).

You have reached your maximum number of saved items.

Remove items from your saved list to add more.