Opinion | Trump’s Lake Ontario gaffe prompts comparisons to other puzzling but popular beliefs - Toronto Star

A map labeling Lake Ontario as “Lake America” is displayed as U.S. President Donald Trump signs an executive order to rename the lake. 

Drew Hayden Taylor is an author, filmmaker and playwright. He would like to address more puzzling misunderstandings, but will save them for a new book he's considering, "An Idiot’s Guide To Understanding First Nations People."

Frequently, I hear comments that, as an Indigenous person, puzzle me. President Donald Trump’s desire to rename Lake Ontario to Lake America, for one. I scratched my head over that enough times to develop a callous . It’s no secret Ontario means “Shining Water” or “beautiful lake.”

On occasion, trying to make sense of these observations can get me in trouble. Even though I may court it. Case in point: Whenever I write an article exploring or explaining socio-political issues from my small cubicle deep inside the larger metaphorical Indigenous office building, I get the occasional less than sympathetic response from the larger Canadian culture. I call them the SR department … Settler Resources. They are there to fight for the rights of the dominant majority. Frequently they take umbrage to comments or questions posed by members of the First Nations community, myself included, with comments and questions of their own.

“We pulled you out of the Stone Age. You’re welcome.”

This is one of my favourite statements from the brain trust that thinks it’s fun to get drunk while kissing either a fish (an immigration requirement from Newfoundland, I understand) or a desiccated human toe (a Dawson City amuse-bouche).

To some roasting a rabbit over an open fire does pale in comparison to watching cat videos while drinking a mocha latte.

I’d also like to point out as a descendent of the Stone Age that, even then we did not s — t in our drinking water or where we lived. During Shakespeare’s time, human waste piled up in the streets. Chamber pots were thrown from second and third floor rooms onto the thoroughfares and alleyways below. It literally rained s — t.. As a result, dysentery, cholera and other similar diseases ran rampant in the civilized world. In the Stone Age world, not so much. Until civilization came knocking.

This is usually in reference to the two hundred and fifty ‘anomalies’ found deep in surrounding grounds of the former Kamloops Residential school. The implication being those are the graves of undocumented children who died there.

I love the term ‘anomalies’. It’s very “Star Trek"y. They use the term in “Voyager” all the time. It usually refers to unknown, unexplained abnormalities. Things that shouldn’t be there.

I’m not sure how many anomalies there are in your average North York or Richmond, B.C. front yard, but would assume not two hundred and fifty. Yet in the backyard of a place that treated Indigenous children horribly, that’s a lot of ‘anomalies.’ Since these ‘anomalies’ were reported by professionals that know their way around ground penetrating radar, one can assume they aren’t rocks or gophers.

Therefore, there are limited options: Pirate treasure, buried Alien ships. Or bodies. I’m going with “Occam’s Razor” on this one.

As for why they haven’t been dug up … please keep in mind we don’t come from a culture where there are entire sections of universities devoted to teaching people how to dig up bodies and cities. We view the process a little differently. There are a host of cultural and spiritual hoops to jump through, and though it may seem odd, not everybody wants to exhume hundreds of children’s corpses simply to satisfy a few irate Canadians. To achieve a simple “I told you so” is not worth all the emotional trials and tribulations that would arise.

“I believe only people who pay taxes should vote.”

This is my personal favourite. I believe this comes from a well-heeled individual who believes Indigenous people live in a luxurious, opulent paradise, based on the multitude of grants funneled to them/us by the government, with the added benefit of not having to pay taxes on that financial boon. So, the thrill of voting should be denied to them/us.

If so, then I have a complaint or two. I am several decades late in receiving my COB – colonized occupied bonus. As things stand, I have to cut my own grass and dig up my own septic tank.

I live on a First Nation, and I pay taxes. And I vote. Yes, some On Reserve don’t pay taxes on their income, but that’s income generated specifically on the Reserve. There is not a lot of that. And those are usually minimum wage. If you work Off Reserve, and live On Reserve as is frequently the case, well that’s a whole different game. Let the headaches begin. 

There is an ancient but wise Elder’s saying that goes something like “maybe you should research before you comment.” Perhaps it loses something in the translation.

Oh yeah, and to finish off where I began, who’s up for renaming Lake Michigan ... Lake Canada? I’ve heard there’s legal precedent.

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Drew Hayden Taylor is an author, filmmaker and playwright. He would like to address more puzzling misunderstandings, but will save them for a new book he’s considering, “An Idiot’s Guide To Understanding First Nations People.”

Opinion articles are based on the author’s interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events. More details