This week I am despondent! - IOL
We’ve lost our humanity and I sob.
I’ve had a difficult week. It’s been filled with disappointment and anger at what we have become, and my frustration is not knowing what to do about it.
Let me explain. Last weekend a very charming fellow tried to scam me. Yes, I was stupid and caught unaware. Lesson learnt. This led to me having my banking App disabled. Which meant a trip to the bank. Can you think of anything worse to do on a Monday morning.
After dealing with my emails, 17 of which were scams in one form or another, ranging from we have a parcel waiting be released if you just pay R43.50 to Yolande wanting to donate her late husband’s grand piano, I made my way to the bank.
I have not been to a physical bank in a number of years. Everything had changed. No tellers, no information desk and 4 service consultants, all chewing gum as if they were training for the chewing Olympics.
When I walked in a large man was behind me. I wasn’t sure where to go and he took full advantage. Jumping the queue. He didn’t say, “You go this way’. Nor did he didn’t say, “You got here first’, No, he jumped the queue, sat down and spent 45 minutes sorting out his banking.
I am angry with myself for not tapping him on the shoulder and saying, “excuse me you rude, unmannered dick, I was here first so get back into the line.” I just sat down and waited his turn.
This set me off on a week of noticing just how we have forgotten our manners.
Very few people say please or thank you. Parents are not instructing their children to be polite and have common courtesy. They are allowed to be loud and put their feet up on the furniture in public places. My goodness I’m sounding like my mother.
And then the Cornel 57 happened. I use 57 intentionally because if reports are to be believed not one of those young men did anything to prevent harm. I don’t just mean harm to that young woman who everyone is now trying to identify but to those 7 rapists who maybe didn’t think about what they were doing. Throw in one of our top cops being charged with rape, sexual assault and grooming and I am ready to sob.
The consequence and punishment for the Cornel young men was 2 were expelled and 5 were given essays to write. There is a call not to identify them for fear of ruining their lives. But the young woman who was drugged and raped for 7 hours must be identified and shamed. Which brings me back to an article a wrote years ago calling for shame to swap sides.
I then went out for lunch and the friend I was with insisted that I taste some of her meal. I’d said no thank you, but she continued to insist until I was rude about it and then she was offended.
How did it get so bad. When did it become okay for us to behave badly and almost always at the expense of someone else. When did we stop hearing the No.
Did I mention that the man in the bank works at a private school, I overheard this when he gave his email address to the consultant. I wondered if he is a teacher passing on his manners to the next generation. I can hear every teacher saying that it is not their job to teach manners. I know this but I would hope that you can lead by example.
Do parents not know better or are they just too tired to care. We all know about our rights but very few of us talk about our obligations.
Do we realise that ungrateful, entitled, rude, unmannered child will turn out to be an adult who will take their lack of humanity out on a partner.
After raging all week, I know that I have failed. All my teaching about consent has come to naught.
If we cannot respect the ‘No’ in everyday interactions, we are never going to hear it in sexual encounters. We are never going to be able to explain to our intimate partners what we like, how we want to be touched and loved because the chances of them respecting our boundaries and respecting our no, is getting smaller and smaller every day.
And then I saw a meme which made me pause. It may very well be the lesson. Straight men will understand consent in a gay club.
