Ways to financially protect yourself in a relationship — even a healthy one - ABC News & Headlines – Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Most modern relationships sit on a spectrum between completely separate and fully integrated finances. (Supplied: Pexels/Mikhail Nilov)

If you're in a new relationship, you're likely more focused on the buzz of the romance than planning out any financial pitfalls.

And even if you're in a long-term partnership, perhaps discussing the finer points of your budget is not yet on the cards.

It can feel like the most unromantic discussion two loved up people can have, but a stitch in time truly saves nine here, with conscious choices up-front saving bucketloads of stress later.

The good news is that there's no one-size fits all and there are no absolute rules. You can be as picky about which advice you apply to your relationship as you are about choosing a partner.

The trick is finding what works for both of you, making sure everyone is being treated fairly, and not introducing unnecessary risks.

It's important to note that some popular advice for couples evolved in very different times. For example, only 52 years ago, Australian women needed a male co-signer for a mortgage. 

Thankfully that ended with the introduction of the Sex Discrimination Act in 1984, but the flow-on effects of that era permeate much of what we hear about relationships four decades later.

Here are four ways you can be financially protected in modern times, regardless of how long you've been together.

Cash in an account to which you are the only signatory and no-one else has access is, in my opinion, essential.

The account doesn't need to be secret from your partner, just in your name only, and you must not share access details like login information with anyone else — even your beloved.

You can still have joint accounts as well. Most modern relationships sit on a spectrum between completely separate and fully integrated finances. Ensure you both have access to any joint accounts and you know what's going on with them too, but don't give up that solo account.

Often called a prenup — as in pre-nuptial — this legal agreement can be put in place at any point in a relationship. Yes, even if you've been married for decades, you can get a BFA in Australia.

It involves outlining how you'd split your assets if the relationship ends.

Some claim a BFA means you're planning for a break-up, but to me it says: "I love you so much that I want any potential split to be as painless and fair as possible."

There are specific processes to follow to ensure a BFA is enforceable, including each party getting independent legal and financial advice and both signing the documents. Make sure you do this through the right channels.

When you put all your earning eggs in one breadwinner basket, what happens if the breadwinner falls ill, has an accident, or their job is devoured by AI?

Ensuring both parties in a relationship have the capacity to earn a decent income is an important insurance policy. Whatever your career or vocation, keep it active and relevant.

At the pointy end of the relationship spectrum is financial abuse. With one in six women and one in 14 men experiencing this in their lifetimes in Australia, it's worth understanding the warning signs.

Financial abuse often starts with undermining your confidence in your ability to make good financial decisions and leads to loss of control over or access to money. It's not healthy, and it's not acceptable.

Please also be careful signing power of attorney documents. These can give someone else the right to make financial decisions on your behalf even when you haven't lost capacity.

But healthy relationships can and do include conflict over money. If you're not in an abusive situation and finding it hard to resolve your financial differences, it's well worth considering a trip to what I think of as a relationship upgrade service (i.e. marriage counselling) to work through it so you're both comfortable. It's also much cheaper than divorce.

Just remember, most counsellors aren't qualified to give legal or financial advice.

Some employee assistance plans include relationship counselling for free, so check what your employer offers. You can also access resources through Relationships Australia.