Why I’m discussing sex online despite first-class degree — Elizabeth Adewale

Sex educator, public health professional and content creator, Elizabeth Adewale, speaks with DAMOLA ADEDIGBA, about being mistaken for a sex worker, the backlash over her work and other issues Who are you beyond the sex educator people see online? Beyond what people see online, I am a very intentional, introspective and curious person. I like to read, research and learn. I always want to understand things for myself, and I think that curiosity has shaped a huge part of my life. It is also the foundation of my work as a sex educator. As for what shaped me, I think it’s difficult to point to one particular experience. I would say it’s a combination of my upbringing, education, experiences, the people I’ve encountered and even some of the difficult things I’ve had to navigate. However, one thing I know is that I have always had the desire to understand things for myself. I don’t like to accept things simply because that is how everybody says they should be or because that is what society expects. You studied Chemistry before moving into public health and sex education. What led you there? My career path was not something I planned from the beginning. Initially, I wanted to study Medicine and Surgery, but I didn’t meet the cut-off mark, so I ended up studying Chemistry. While I was studying Chemistry, I was interested in helping people do better. I was doing tutorials and teaching people how to prepare for exams, pass them and improve their grades. So, the desire to help people has always been there. After university, I stumbled into sex education by accident. I didn’t plan to become a sex educator, but I genuinely enjoyed it and realised there was a huge gap and a huge need for it. Eventually, I applied for a scholarship to train as a certified sex educator at an institute in the United States, and I got into the programme. That experience made me realise that I didn’t want to pursue a master’s degree in Chemistry or continue with further education in the field. I had done well academically and graduated with a first-class degree, but I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life doing Chemistry, working in a laboratory or dealing with chemicals. Public health then felt like the natural transition. It was the closest I could get to the health field since I had not been able to study Medicine and Surgery. So, I pivoted into public health, and that is how everything came together. Growing up in a Christian home where sex was taboo, what was your first encounter with sex education, and how did it shape you? I can’t remember my exact first encounter with sex education, but I remember that when I was younger, I would sneak around behind my parents’ backs to watch what we called “blue films” (pornography). I didn’t understand what I was watching. I just knew that it excited me and gave me a feeling in my body, but I didn’t understand what it meant. My curiosity about sex and my proper introduction to sex education developed much later. Because I was born into a religious home, I didn’t have access to phones or the Internet until I got to university. It was actually in my 400 level that I became more familiar with sex education. I had always been a bookworm, but at that point, I also wanted to have a social life before graduating. That was why I decided to experience a little more outside my academic life. I started dating and became curious about sex, relationships and my body. How did your parents react when you told them you wanted to follow this path? I didn’t actually tell my parents. They found out on their own. After university, there was a gap before I started my master’s programme. It was then I started sex education, and that was also during the COVID-19 pandemic. My parents didn’t really know what I was doing. They only knew that I was working remotely. Eventually, my work became more popular and, somehow, they found out that I was doing sex education. I had to properly sit them down and explain what sex education involved and what my work was about. I think it was last year, during my birthday, that I had that conversation with them because they initially thought it was just general health education. My parents have been very supportive. My mum is a teacher, and she has seen cases of students getting pregnant, so she understands how important the work is. My dad is a pastor, but he has also been very supportive. They also see me building a career. They can see that their daughter is being invited to speak at events, working with organisations and becoming financially independent through her work. They are very proud of what I do. Take us through your content creation process, from ideation to the finished video that the audience gets to see. My content creation process actually starts with my audience. A lot of the content I create comes from questions people ask me. Once I have an idea of the topic I want to create content about, I research it extensively. I read research papers, and also use tools such as ChatGPT and Grok. After that, I turn all the information into a simple script. I like to keep my information as simple as possible. I don’t like to complicate things, and I like my videos to be short and engaging. So, I try to communicate as much information as possible within the shortest time. I also pay attention to the hook because you need to get people’s attention within the first few seconds of a video. I make sure the hook grabs attention and that the script isn’t too long.See more Punch stories on Google.Add Punch on Google Then I film. I usually film with the help of my sister, although sometimes I film alone. She sets up the camera, I sit down and start talking. I also batch-create content. I can film about four videos at a stretch and simply change my outfit between them. Filming isn’t always easy for me because I sometimes stammer, mumble my words or jumble my sentences. I may have to repeat one line 10 times before I get it right. After filming, I edit the videos myself, and honestly, that is the most stressful part of the process for me. Once I’m done editing and I’m satisfied with the video, I add my captions and prepare it for posting. When did you realise sex education was now part of your career? I realised it when I began to see the gap. I discovered there was so much I didn’t know about sex and my body, but there was also so much that other people didn’t know. People kept coming to me with questions. I had a huge inbox filled with questions about sex, relationships, the body and different experiences. Sometimes, they were anonymous questions; sometimes they came from people I knew, and other times from people I didn’t know. At some point, I started thinking that even with all the information available online, there was still a huge gap in what people actually knew and understood about sex. That was when I realised this was no longer just something I was posting about. It was becoming a career. I then got formally trained and certified as a sex educator, and that solidified everything for me. It started to feel like something I was meant to be doing. Sometimes, it feels like a calling. What is the harshest criticism you have received over your work? I have received a lot of criticism since I started as a sex educator, but the recurring one is people questioning why somebody who graduated with a first-class degree in Chemistry is talking about sex on the Internet. I have been accused of doing it because sex sells, because I want to be popular or because I want to go viral. I have also experienced a lot of slut-shaming and stigma. People assume that because I talk about sex, I must be promiscuous, sleeping with a lot of people or that I must be loose. I’ve even had someone compare me to a sex worker. Over time, I’ve learnt to separate people’s opinions from the actual work I’m doing. I can’t control what people choose to assume about me, but I can control the quality of the information I put out. I focus on making my work accurate, responsible and useful, and I try not to let people’s misconceptions about me define my work. That said, the backlash can sometimes become so intense that I genuinely question whether the work is worth it. However, at the end of the day, I know what I do is important. I have seen the results and received feedback from people I’ve helped. I have so many testimonies from people who have become more confident about their sex lives or even their general lives because of what I do. Have you ever faced backlash so intense that you questioned whether this work was worth it? Yes. There was a particular incident that stayed with me. I was at an event, and someone who actually follows me jokingly compared me to a sex worker. A popular sex worker on Twitter was also at the event, and this person pointed at her and said to me, “See your colleague.” ‘I regret sleeping with you’: Married man, ‘feminist’s messy affair goes viral Conversations parents should have with their teens Ebola outbreak expands to 63 health zones in DR Congo It really hurt me because this was somebody who followed me and knew the kind of education I do. She knew I don’t sell sex or do sex work; I’m a sex educator. I remember going home that night and thinking, “What am I doing with my life? Has it got so bad that people are now comparing me to a sex worker?” People assume that talking openly about sex means living a sexually liberal life. How do you respond? This is one of the most common assumptions people have about me. People assume that because I talk about sex, I must be promiscuous, loose, sexually available or good in bed. I get comments like, “Oh my God, you must be so good in bed. Your boyfriend will be enjoying it.” I’ve even had men send me messages, asking if they can pay me to teach them or experiment with them based on what I teach. It’s very disturbing. Has being a sex educator affected your romantic relationships or how potential partners approach you? Being a sex educator has affected my dating experiences significantly, and I don’t say that lightly. People assume that because I talk about sex, I must get a lot of male attention. I do get a lot of male attention, but much of it is sexual. Most men who approach me want to sleep with me, experiment with me or know what I’m like in bed. So, when somebody approaches me through social media, I’m not necessarily excited because I can’t immediately tell whether the person is genuinely interested in me as a person or simply interested in what I do. Even offline, when I meet people, once they find out I’m a sex educator, they sometimes become a different person. They suddenly want to have sexual conversations, ask sexual questions or make sexual comments, and it’s a huge turn-off for me. I remember being in a relationship where my partner asked when I was going to stop. He said, “When will you stop this sex education thing? If we are going to get married, you have to stop what you are doing. Do you want your kids to see their mum talking about sex on the Internet?” I’ve also had situations where someone I was dating suspected or accused me of sleeping with clients. They would question my faithfulness because I have male clients and conduct one-on-one sessions with people. At the moment, I’ve opted out of dating because the biggest challenge is finding someone who is genuinely interested in me as a person and can separate my profession from my personal life. What should couples understand about exploring different sex positions without turning intimacy into a performance? I’m a big advocate for exploration. Variety is the spice of sex, just as it is the spice of life. You can’t keep doing exactly the same thing over and again, and expect it to always feel exciting. So, yes, couples should explore and try new things. However, it shouldn’t be about proving that you are adventurous or that you are good in bed. Some of the positions we see online are not necessarily realistic or pleasurable in real life. Standing positions and some of the more complicated positions may look exciting, but they are not always comfortable or enjoyable. The goal should be to experiment and explore together while paying attention to what feels good for both partners. You should communicate, check in with each other and remember that you can always stop. What are the most dangerous sex myths you encounter online? One of the most common myths I encounter is that the more sex a woman has, the looser her vagina becomes. You see people arguing that a woman’s vagina can tell you how many people she has slept with. They believe that if it is tight, she hasn’t slept with many people, and if it is loose, she must have slept with many people. But that is not how the vagina works. Another common myth is that if a woman isn’t getting wet, it means she isn’t turned on, isn’t attracted to her partner or that something is wrong with her. Arousal and lubrication are connected, but they are not the same thing. A woman can be aroused and still experience difficulty with lubrication due to factors such as stress, anxiety, hormones, medications, where she is in her menstrual cycle and other factors. Why do you think women’s sexual pleasure attract more judgment than that of men? I think it boils down to how women and men are raised and socialised. Men are often encouraged to be sexually experienced. You hear men boasting about their “body count” or the number of women they have slept with, and sometimes they see it as proof of masculinity. Women, on the other hand, are often taught to be sexually pure, preserve themselves for their future husbands, protect their virginity and avoid openly expressing sexual desire. So, when a man openly talks about sex, his sexual experiences or desires, people may see it as normal or even something to be proud of. But when a woman does the same thing, she is judged. People may call her immoral, promiscuous, wayward or loose. I think it is a double standard, and part of it has to do with the fact that we live in a patriarchal society where misogyny is still prominent. The truth is that women are human beings. We experience sexual desire, we can enjoy sex and we can desire sex. We should be allowed to talk about sex and pleasure without having our dignity questioned. How has your work changed the way you view relationships, intimacy and communication? My work has made me realise that people are very diverse. I used to think relationships should follow a certain pattern, and that there was a right way for things to work. However, I’ve realised that humans are very complex. People come into relationships with different backgrounds, experiences, beliefs, personalities, bodies and preferences. Because of that, there is no universal formula for intimacy or for how relationships should work. My work has also changed the way I think about communication. I used to believe that if somebody loved you, they should automatically know what you wanted and what worked for you. I thought everything should happen naturally without having to communicate. Over time, however, I’ve realised that you have to communicate. You have to ask questions, listen and be willing to understand each other. My work has also made me less judgmental and more willing to accept people in their uniqueness. I used to be quite judgmental, but this work has taught me that humans are diverse and complex. What is the most shocking question a follower has asked you about sex? I’ve had a lot of funny and shocking questions, but one that I remember was somebody asking me how she could get her virginity back. She wanted to know whether, if she hadn’t had sex for a long time, her vagina would become tight again like that of a virgin and whether she could get her virginity back. What major misconception about sex do you wish Nigerian parents, religious leaders and young people would unlearn? One of the biggest misconceptions I wish Nigerian parents, religious leaders and young people would unlearn is the belief that teaching children about sex will make them promiscuous or encourage them to have sex. The reality is that if you don’t teach children about their bodies, consent, boundaries and sexual health, they will learn these things somewhere else. It could be from friends, social media, pornography or other sources. They may then end up receiving inaccurate information that can put them at risk. People often believe that talking about sex encourages people to have sex, but that is not necessarily the case. Talking about sex equips people with accurate information so they can make informed choices for themselves. Kindly share this story:

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