‘You don’t have to be stuck there’: Youth speak out on suicidal thoughts, attempts and recovery - IOL

WITH September marking Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) is urging people to break the silence and start conversations that could save lives.

According to Sadag, an estimated 23 people die by suicide and another 460 attempt suicide every day in South Africa. 

Lydell Raju, a 33-year-old from Shallcross, and a 28-year-old man from Durban, who did not want to be named, share a different but equally moving journey through their personal stories of struggle and survival, hoping that open conversations can lead to healing. 

Raju, a nurse, said she felt suicidal before she could spell the word. 

“It started when I was in primary school. I wouldn't say anything in particular triggered it, but it was when I became aware of the feeling,” said Raju, who first attempted suicide at age 15. 

“I felt like I wanted to sleep for a long time. I drank a bottle of flu syrup to make me drowsy, but it backfired. It instead made me really sick. I threw up and felt miserable instead of having a nice, long sleep.”

Two years later, she took about 20 of her mother’s pain tablets. 

“I went to sleep and woke up the next day, disappointed.”

At age 22, she consumed a cocktail of medication after learning disturbing information about a previous relationship. But her plan “backfired” again. 

“My cousin arrived and found the ‘goodbye’ letter I wrote. He then rushed me to the hospital.”

Following this incident, she had her first interaction with a psychologist, who she described as rude and arrogant. 

“I did not brush my hair or dress up while in hospital. He told me I was depressed because I did not take pride in my appearance and did not have friends. I did not want to get help after that.”

At age 30, Raju said she was in a toxic relationship and felt stuck. She attempted to take her life again, as she felt it was the only way to get out.  She consumed medication used to assist with sleeping difficulty. 

“But I landed back in the hospital. That was my last suicide attempt, and I now take each day as it comes. While I still have moments of sinking into a dark pit, I reached out to my family and am now on medication for depression and anxiety.

“There are times when the darkness envelops me, but I am able to pull myself out because I have to go to work. The only time I feel at peace within myself is at church. It feels like I am finally at home, a feeling I have craved my entire life,” she said. 

Raju said people with mental health issues were often classed as being “attention seekers”. 

“Sometimes someone's life can look perfect from the outside, but you have no idea what demons they face within their minds. A lot of people, including myself, never reach out for help because we fear judgement. Some topics are taboo in homes, and we know we won't get the support we need. I believe families must create an environment of open communication.”

For the 25-year-old administration clerk who feared being judged due to his sexuality, silence became one of the heaviest burdens he carried.

He said he was a teenager when his mental health deteriorated to a point where he felt he could no longer cope.

“Looking back, I think I was carrying a lot more than I knew how to process at that age. I was trying to understand myself and, as a gay young man, trying to navigate feelings and questions about my identity in an environment where being different was not always easy.

“At that age, I did not have the emotional maturity or the language to explain what was happening. I felt overwhelmed and isolated, and could no longer cope with everything. Even when there were people around me, I felt nobody could understand what was happening in my head. 

“There was a lot of sadness, confusion and hopelessness. I also felt like I had to hide what I was going through. I became good at pretending everything was okay.”

At ages 16 and 19, he attempted to end his life by consuming medication used to treat chronic illnesses such as hypertension. 

“I eventually realised I could not continue carrying everything on my own and sought help. Seeking help was, however, difficult. 

“I was afraid of being judged, misunderstood, or treated differently. Being a gay teenager added another layer to that. I worried about what people would think and whether they would accept me. Sometimes silence feels safer than risking rejection. But people noticed that I wasn't myself. I sometimes think others can see the signs before you are ready to admit them yourself.”   

He said recovery had not been a straight road. 

“It has been a combination of learning about myself, accepting that I needed help, and allowing others into parts of my life that I kept hidden. Professional support and supportive friends have accepted me for who I am. 

“I have learned that being vulnerable is not a weakness, asking for help is an act of strength, and that my identity is not something I need to apologise for. Being gay is one part of who I am, but it does not define my entire story.” 

He advised others who feel as if they are in a dark space to realise that one does not have to solve their entire life in a day. 

“Sometimes the goal is simply to get through today and give yourself the chance to see what tomorrow brings. I know what it feels like to believe there is no way forward. I also know that life can change in ways you cannot imagine when you are in your darkest place,” he said.

Cassey Chambers, Sadag’s operations director, said it was important to understand and respond to the pain underneath the crisis, as the leading cause of suicide was undiagnosed or untreated depression. 

She said Sadag often emphasised that a person may not necessarily want their life to end, but may desperately want their pain to stop.  

“Suicide prevention has to be about more than responding to a point of crisis; it is about creating opportunities for people to get help earlier to address mental health issues, trauma, substance use, financial and relationship pressures, loneliness, and all other factors that can leave a person feeling overwhelmed. 

“Ultimately, prevention is about helping someone to see that the crisis they are experiencing is not necessarily permanent, even though it may feel that way in that moment,” she said. 

 Chambers said there was still a fear around being judged, labelled, or seen as weak if a person admitted they were struggling. 

“If someone says they are not okay, we need to listen without immediately judging, lecturing, or trying to fix things.”

The warning signs include suddenly withdrawing from family and friends, losing interest in things they normally enjoy, and showing a significant change in their mood, sleeping patterns, or eating habits. 

“They also start taking more risks, increase their use of alcohol or drugs, and appear increasingly hopeless or overwhelmed. They talk about being a burden or suggest that people are better off without them. A sudden sense of calm after a period of severe distress can also be a warning sign that simply should not be dismissed.” 

Chambers said Sadag’s message was clear: Every conversation counts and that it was okay not to be okay. 

“You don't have to be stuck there. There is help and hope.”